Unlocking Leadership Mindtraps by Jennifer Garvey Berger

Author:Jennifer Garvey Berger [Garvey Berger, Jennifer]
Language: eng
Format: azw3, epub
Publisher: Stanford University Press
Published: 2019-01-28T16:00:00+00:00

5

TRAPPED BY CONTROL

Trying to take charge strips you of influence

It wasn’t funny in the moment, but happily it was funny the next day when Alison met up with Leroy and Mark for their now-weekly session. Alison was early; Mark was late, as usual, so when he walked in, she was explaining to Leroy the scene at dinner the night before. “So Naomi says, ‘Mommy, can you please put your phone away at the table and be present for the family?’ in an uncanny copy of the voice I use when I ask Mark that question at least twice every dinnertime. I tell her I have to get this one thing out before the Asian markets close, and when I go to look at her apologetically, my thumb brushes the wrong space and I hear the sound of the message sending—and it is a delicate message that should definitely not be sent before its time!

“At that moment, Tate, who had been rocking back and forth in his chair, suddenly rocks too hard and falls over. In his mad clutch to save himself, he grabs the ‘Fifty Fun Facts about Ancient Greece’ placemat and takes that with him. ‘I’m okay!’ he calls from the floor, his spaghetti bolognaise draped over him like a modern art installation. Mark and Naomi burst out laughing, and Tate begins to ham it up, slurping the spaghetti that his tongue can reach, eating it right off his chest, which of course makes the other two hysterical. And truly, if it had been on YouTube it would have gotten a million hits by morning.” Alison laughed recounting it.

“But me,” she said, suddenly serious, “I was so freaked out and overwhelmed I just yelled at everyone—at Naomi for telling me to put my phone away, at Tate for rocking, at Mark for not cleaning it up. There was no harm done, but the whole thing felt so overwhelming and horrible that I could hardly stand to stay at the table!”

Leroy smiled. “I’m trying to imagine yet another stain on that poor carpet. Tragic!”

“What’s really tragic is that I seem totally out of control at home as well as at work! I’m sorry I missed the last session with you guys. I was just too busy to be able to squeeze out the time. Did you have any pointers for getting my complex and out-of-control life back in control?”

“Ha! Gotcha!” Mark said. “Last time you all were laughing at me because I hit my team with the old listen-to-learn one-two punch. But my beloved wife is just as bad with wanting to get everything under control—from the flying spaghetti at the table to the immovable partners at the firm!”

“Gotcha?” Alison asked, confused.

“Control is one of the mindtraps!” Mark told her delightedly. “You’re falling into it all over the place—at home and at work. That’s a real problem in complexity, you know, because you cannot make things happen in complex situations—you have to do, er, something else.”

“Hmm. Do something else? Other

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